Never Write if You Can Speak; Never Speak if You Can Nod; Never Nod if You Can Wink

January 14, 2026

I used to work for a remarkable woman named Sharon Carstairs. She has been in Canadian politics since she was a child and her dad was premier of Nova Scotia. She followed his footsteps rising all the way to a cabinet member in the Chretien government. To this day, she is one of the smartest people I know and certainly one of the smartest politicians I know.

Sharon also imparted me with a piece of advice that I have kept with me all these years. She said it on the way to my first cabinet scrum. I was barely 25 years old. I have kept this as a cornerstone in preventing crisis ever since.

She said Never write if you can speak; never speak if you can nod; never nod if you can wink.”

You’ve probably heard this as “never write what you can say, and never say what you can gesture.” Sharon is a classic so she went with the version from Martin Michael Lomasney, the influential early 20th-century ward boss of Boston’s West End.

And every time I see a story like the resignation of the NASCAR CEO, this quote crosses my mind. If you aren’t familiar, Steve O’Donnell, the former president of NASCAR, stepped down following disparaging text messages being revealed during an anti-trust lawsuit. He made nasty comments about a team owner that also hit home with a lot of fans. His weren’t the only ones but he is the only one that lost his $5 million a year job.

This was all pretty simple and a value I share with my legal friends — if you want something memorialized, write it down. If you want to keep it off any record, don’t.

There are more stories than most of us can count about varying degrees of crisis coming out of an errant text message or a piece of paper left behind. I know it’s not what the cool kids are doing but here is the truth: if you don’t want what you are writing to appear in a court record or on the front page of the New York Times, pick up the phone. Schedule a video conference and ensure that it isn’t being recorded. If you have sensitive information treat it like a state secret.

And back to the foundation: Never write if you can speak; never speak if you can nod; never nod if you can wink.”

It might just save your job.

 

Kith facilitates crisis preparedness workshops that will help your company attain the clarity, trust, and speed you need to respond confidently – no dithering! – to any crisis. We’d be happy to have a conversation about how we can help your company be ready to chart an effective course to reputation protection.

Looking for more fresh insights? Crisis of the Month is a no-fluff Substack that breaks down real-world crises and what they teach us about leadership, communication, and damage control. Whether you’re in comms, ops, or just crisis-curious, this is your monthly guide to what went wrong — and how to do it better. Sign up today!

Stephanie Craig

Stephanie Craig has built her reputation as a crisis expert by guiding some of the world’s most prominent people and organizations through their most trying moments. Before Kith, Stephanie founded the Apeiron Strategy Group where she counted former First Lady Rosalynn Carter and the mayor of the nation’s 10th largest city as clients.