No one likes to say hard things, but it comes with the responsibility of being a manager, a leader or a communications director. Saying hard things inevitably disappoints people we care about, and we as humans feel badly when we disappoint people who matter to us.
At its heart, disappointment is a feeling of dissatisfaction caused by the non-fulfillment of one’s hopes and expectations. As Seth Godin said, “Reputation is what people expect us to do next. It’s their expectation of the quality and character of the next thing we produce or say or do.” Because fulfilling expectations is a key driver of reputation, saying hard things can put your reputation at risk.
When we have hard things to say – we’re going to do a layoff or furlough, close a business location or discontinue a popular product – we are fundamentally disappointing somebody, probably lots of somebodies. It’s never easy to say hard things, and it shouldn’t be. After all, if it were easy, then the people we disappointed really didn’t matter to us.
So it’s important to recognize that people are going to be upset. So let’s label it, own it and accept that we cannot (and should not) spin our way out of it. We’ve got to own that we’re not going to satisfy expectations. We need to understand that reasonable people can be disappointed even if the underlying rationale is perfectly reasonable and logical, and that’s okay.
With that in mind, here are a few tips to make it less hard for you to say hard things.
First of all, and above all else, be honest. Tell the truth: the what, the when and, importantly, the why. Have enough respect for the people you’re disappointing to tell them in clear, plain language. Get to the point upfront – there’s no reason to bury the lead. Give them the reasons why something had to change, and why this change was the best course of action for the company.
Explain the bigger picture to help people understand the contextualization, including that other alternatives were considered and why they were rejected. Remember, you’re not trying to spin your way out of saying hard things. You’re trying to be seen as rational, reasonable people doing the best you can under difficult circumstances. Your goal is the audience giving you the benefit of the doubt that the decision was made for good reason, even if it disappoints them.
Provide as long a runway as possible. Give people who are being laid off more time to find new positions. Give product users more time to find alternatives. Doing so also helps quell rumors and speculation, which not only increases the stress level of those who you care about most but also undermines your efforts to say the hard thing in the first place. It destroys credibility and sinks reputation to have to deny a change is coming because you weren’t ready to announce it only to end up announcing it.
Once you’ve been honest and forthright, then it is no longer about you – it’s about the people you’re disappointing. Recognize there will be disproportionate amounts of pain caused by your announcement. Yes, it hurts you to lay people off, but it hurts more to be laid off. Yes, it’s difficult to end a product after years of development, but it hurts more to no longer be able to use that product.
This is where empathy comes in – acknowledge the pain you’re causing that would not have otherwise occurred if you had stayed the course. Be compassionate. Provide as much support as you can to those who are being affected by the announcement. Be sincere in wanting to help affected people find what they would consider a successful outcome.
Don’t forget to address the needs of people who were not directly affected: employees remaining with the company, users of an adjacent product, customers of a nearby store, etc.
Be okay with feedback and give it room. Don’t just ignore feedback because you think it will be purely negative or emotional. It may take time for people to process the news, and people will process it at different times and in different ways. There should be an outlet for feedback that remains available after the action is taken. There’s something to learn when you have hard things to say, so be okay with that feedback.
Finally, keep the lines of communication open. This goes beyond just getting feedback. Keeping the lines open maintains opportunities to reverse that disappointment down the road, and it demonstrates your empathy for the people you disappointed.
Saying hard things is always tough, but it’s always tougher to hear hard things than to say them. If it were happening to you, how would you want to be told? What questions would you have? What options would you be looking for to take the place of whatever was being taken away? If you have those questions, then so will the people who will be hearing these hard things.
Keep these tips in mind the next time you need to say hard things and own the disappointment felt by the people you care about most.
Kith facilitates crisis preparedness workshops that will help your company attain the clarity, trust, and speed you need to respond confidently – no dithering! – to any crisis. We’d be happy to have a conversation about how we can help your company be ready to chart an effective course to reputation protection.
